i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
