Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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