He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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