naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
