They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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