thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize