Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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