I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
