Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
