Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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