No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Text me some of your sweat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
