Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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