We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
