How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
