ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
