it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
