This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
