After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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