take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
