Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
