he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
