Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
you made out with another girl for some wings
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
