that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
