Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
