She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
