You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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