she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
