found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
