i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
