Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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