my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
