I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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