Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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