You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
