my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
