I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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