He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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