my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize