I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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