You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
