ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
