Swine flu is the new snow day.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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