What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
