Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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