That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
