I think scott just propositioned me for sex
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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