apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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