dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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