I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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