Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
