just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
