That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
