I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Congratulations! We have a period
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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