I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
