It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
