He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
