god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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