Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
