dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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