i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
