I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this boner is exhausting
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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