planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize