I want to stick my p in your. b.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
