That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
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Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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