Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
