She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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