first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
