How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
